Slow the fuck down and stop caring...not like anyone else does...really.

This 2-ply isn't worthy of the Pope's asshole, let alone the royal balloon knot I'm tying off, ya feel me?

Do I look like a man who's concerned with impressing people and maintaining some kind of delusion of elevated status and/or self-worth? No...no I don't. Do you know why that is? Its because I'm taking a shit in this picture. Kind of hard to  act cool when  Punxsutawney Phil is burrowing around in your ass, can't make up his mind if he's actually coming out or not and peeks his head out to gauge the weather right outside his new home, his home in my ass. Well I'll save you the trouble, Phil. It's fucking muggy with high humidity and there's a vinegar smell permeating the landscape. Now either hop on out and be gone or scurry your way back in there, you freeloading fuckface. I got better things to do than not take a shit while my legs fall asleep and my wife wonders what the fuck I'm actually doing in here.....Honey I'm not masturbating. I enjoy masturbating in environments that DO NOT smell of vinegar and shit-groundhogs who spook easy and can't make adult decisions. The balcony will continue to work just fine. Thanks.

Well whats the point of writing a full on article after that? I got nuthin'. Good times.

-OctoMike